A Journey to Kindness and Respect

Traveling has always been something that I’ve enjoyed, and when I get to combine it with talking about Lincoln Academy, all the effort feels that much more worth the while. Recently I took to the skies for Vietnam to join with Director of Admissions Lu-Shien Tan to meet prospective families and agents in Ho Chi Min City and Hanoi.

To make my international travel jitters all the more interesting, I received a call two days before departing from a nonchalant Lu-Shien informing me that I did indeed need a visa to enter the country. He added offhandedly that I could probably apply online. I did apply, in fact, and managed to get approved minutes before I left for the airport.

Vietnam is a long way away. My journey was more than 24 hours on two planes and one layover in Tokyo. All went without issue until I stepped off the plane in Ho Chi Minh City, pleased to see that I had landed a bit early. It was only after I made my way to the customs desk and handed my documents to the agent that he informed me to go back to the line and wait. For what, I had no earthly idea. I was too exhausted to protest and did as I was told. 10 minutes later I was waived forward by the customs agent and informed that my visa had just become valid at midnight and I was free to proceed. I thanked him and noted his kind smile at my clear relief, the first of many kindnesses to come. I made my way out into the steamy night air where my ride was waiting.

One of my constant companions in all my travels is my camera. The camera is nothing special, really, but carrying it has become essential to me because it gives me a reason to get out into the city or countryside to explore. I’ve never been one to jump into new social situations, cultural or not, and my camera is the perfect introvert’s foil and looking through its lens draws me out even when everything in my being is saying to stay in bed.

What I saw of Vietnam in these two iconic cities was spectacular, and I look forward to returning some day. The people I met, from hotel staff to families we interviewed and various educational consultants - all displayed curiosity and kindness, respect and support for me as a visitor to their country.

A perfect example of this kind of exchange took place in Hanoi when I was toured around the city by a woman named Gee on the back of a motorcycle. What I thought might be an impersonal sightseeing tour became anything but that. As soon as I sat behind this young lady, I was quickly admonished for putting my feet on the ground. Even with my 200 pound frame to support at every turn and stop, Gee proceeded with no need of my help. In fact, as we rode through the traffic-filled streets, she informed me that I might have to sit closer to her and I was grateful. There appeared to be no rules of the road; horns served as reminders that others were turning and alleyways were full of pedestrians, bikes and other motorcycles. All of it struck me as a chaotic dance fraught with opportunities to crash. A little nervously, I tucked in and we made it through without incident.

Needless to say, Gee was an outstanding driver and after settling into the motorcycle seat I felt truly safe on our four hour tour of the city together. She offered me a glimpse into her life: youngest of 6 children, the only girl, her father’s injury in the war, and her inability to attend school and need to take care of her family. She made her comments to me in a casual manner through her rudimentary English but all of it brought me in closer as she continued to show me her city.

On our tour I had the opportunity to listen to an older man play traditional Vietnamese instruments. While in his tiny apartment, I learned that he was a veteran of the war and it brought home the toll that our war had taken on this beautiful country - in ways I could not fully comprehend. Even still, there he sat playing his music with a bunch of strangers, and as if that were not enough of a gift, he rose to give each of us a handshake and hug as we departed.

Walking out of that small apartment with the rest of our tour group I felt awkward and uncomfortable. I felt I didn’t do anything to deserve his kindness, I knew I couldn’t comprehend what his life had been and how he had overcome the circumstances he faced in part due to decisions my country made. But I also felt strangely connected to him by the fact that I was a military brat, my brother and I were born in Germany in 1966 and 1968 early in the Vietnam War where my dad was stationed on active duty. His tour ended shortly after my brother was born and he never stepped foot in this country, but many of his friends, fellow service members and several of our relatives did. And now I had.

Kindness and respect. This moment in the trip was but one moment that reaffirmed for me the importance of these two qualities personally and for our collective community. Being kind to one another, particularly those you do not know, do not have any idea of what they may be struggling with, or may have overcome to get to be here at school each day. The act of being kind to one another is as simple as a smile, a thoughtful phrase, or welcoming gesture. It doesn’t need to be grandiose or flashy and even the simplest things can make a world of difference.

Respect is the essential partner of kindness. Respect for difference, for the person in front of me, for their differences, visible or invisible. Respect for their convictions even if I disagree, or think I disagree based on what I’ve heard. Spreading rumors, innuendo, and gossip isn’t kind and it isn’t respectful of the individual or our community.

The Lincoln Academy community is as unique as each member who joins. Whether student or employee it is made up of so much difference. Christians, Muslims and Jews, Koreans, African Americans, Lebanese, Turkish, Spanish and Brazilian. People from Bremen and Newcastle, from Boothbay and Caribou. People who’ve moved here from away and people whose families have been here for 5 generations. People who love this place here in Lincoln County and those that can’t wait to leave to see what the world has to offer. Gay, straight, transgender, introverts, extroverts, athletes, actors, scholars, fishermen, and farmers. There are too many combinations and permutations represented to possibly list and too many to know for certain all we need to know about one another. It is because we are so different that we need to respect those differences. We are all part of this community with a common goal of learning and to truly learn we must be open to our differences.

In my travels I was once again reminded of the power of respect and kindness and I also affirmed my commitment that there is no place for disparaging or disrespectful comments, no place for culturally insensitive or offensive language and no place for racist, antisemitic or gender phobic comments. That is not the community we want and it is not the community I will support.

An older man halfway around the world gave me and example of kindness and respect and if he can do that for me, a stranger, it is the least we should expect from one another in our community.