A Road To Character...
This Chapel talk uses the "7-11" dilemma that I first heard from Malcolm Gauld at Hyde School in the early 90s when I was just starting out as a teacher. I don't know if he came up with the dilemma or if it came from his father but in either case thanks to him for this and so much more!
The 7-Eleven Dilemma
I thought this morning I’d take a step back and look at something that we talk a lot about in our chapel talks but have not talked too much about how it is developed. This morning I need to set up a dilemma for you.
Picture this:
You walk into a convenience store on a Friday afternoon. You are in a hurry and just want get your Monster extreme energy drink and a bag of Doritos, you know that new spicy chili flavor. You grab your stuff and head to the register. There is a line of a couple people and it seems clear that things are slow because the cashier is new. A few more due up behind you, one being a friend from school and then finally it’s your turn. The clerk scans your items and the total is $4.35, you hand the clerk a $10 bill and the clerk counts back your change,
"$5 makes $10 and $10 makes $20, next" and starts ringing up your friends items behind you.
My question for you is what do you do? Think about it, we'll come back to it.
I have been reading David Brooks' book “The Road to Character”. A fascinating book which uses stories of how people cultivated strong character as a roadmap for the reader follow. Brooks, a political pundit, is brutally honest in his reasons for writing this book. In the intro he writes
“ I was born with a natural disposition toward shallowness. I now work as a pundit and columnist…I’m paid to be a narcissistic blow hard, to volley my opinions to appear more confident about them than I really am, to appear smarter than I really am…”
he goes on to say
“I’ve also become more aware that, like many people these days, I have lived a life a vague moral aspiration—vaguely wanting to be good, vaguely wanting to serve some larger purpose, while lacking a concrete moral vocabulary, a clear understanding of how to live a rich inner life, or even a clear knowledge of how character is developed and depth is achieved.”
I found his honesty very refreshing. He puts forth the concept of the battle it becomes for us to live in service to two competing ideals. He calls them the resume virtues and the eulogy virtues. Resume virtues being the accomplishments and aspects of career; the number of championships you won, the size of the company you over saw, the titles you have held. Where the eulogy virtues are those characteristics that you most hope would be spoken about you at your funeral. As Brooks say, “the ones that exist at the core of your being, whether you’re brave, honest, faithful; what kind of relationships you’ve formed.” Brooks further laments that fact that schools seem to be focused on the resume virtues. I agree with him that for the most part schools do not do much to help you with the eulogy virtues probably because they are harder to teach, harder to discuss, harder to share. I'm reminded that speakers often ask administrators the question, “What keeps you up at night?” lately for me it has been the topic of character. Specifically, the lack of appreciation of character that seems to be flooding into our minds constantly from around the world. The "me" centered narcissistic viewpoint where the most important thing I need to do is protect me, to worry first and foremost about my interests and my well-being. The proud pronouncement of the importance of the resume virtues at the expense of the eulogy virtues. The "what is in it for me" attitude vs “developing an engraved set of disciplined habits developing a settled disposition to do good” as Brooks asks us to do. As a teacher and leader in a school that takes great pains to engage in conversation about character, or eulogy virtues, I believe one aspect I can offer is my belief in the need to put students in situations to "test" their character.
Back to the 7-11 dilemma. I really don't believe there is a right or wrong answer. I would imagine I could change aspects of the story, the person behind the register, young old, brown or white, mean or polite and that would influence your response in some way.
I’ve heard lots of answers through the years." I’d keep it because hey it’s free money", "I’d give it back because I’ve been a cashier and had to account for the missing money at the end of the shift". And many others. Perhaps, this morning, you are wondering what the best answer is that I’ve heard? The answer I like best is “I’d give it back, I don’t know why, I just would"
For me, my life now is more clearly about the conflict between the resume virtues and the eulogy virtues. Perhaps that’s my 50 year old angst coming through or the fact that my oldest turned 21 yesterday or a reaction to the tense state of mind I find myself in lately. But if I am really honest, I know my life has been richer and more fulfilling in those moments when I have actively struggled with with what I want my life to look like and what I need in my life to be fulfilled. It is about feeding this inner knowing against a world that is rewarding me for my external accomplishments. It is about being forced to think about why I do what I do even when I can’t explain it. It is about trying to lead a life that others around me will be proud to share because it is who I am, not what I am supposed to be.