You can’t do both…
I saw my son Andrew this weekend. My wife and I traveled up to Montreal for the night to see him and meet some of his friends who were with him on break. "Reading period" as they call it in Canada. After the pleasantries and introductions, Andrew asked, “Dad what did you say in Chapel?”
It’s funny, I don’t know that anything I’ve said in chapel has garnered more attention than what I said last week and to be honest I’ve tried to say a lot of things that I wished would resonate more profoundly than the message about using cell phones.
It probably won’t surprise any of you that I pretty much did what I was told in my high school days at CVU. I wasn’t a part of student council or an officer in student government. I wasn’t a star athlete or an outstanding student. In fact until I was asked to be Director of Admissions at the Hyde School in 1994 I had never been in a “leadership” position. I did however have a chance to be a leader in my senior year of high school. I was asked if I wanted to be one of the captains of the track team. To be honest I was flattered, honored and tremendously excited to take that step and I told my coach, Mr. Blechner, that I wanted to accept. However, I told him, he needed to know I was going to miss some of preseason and a couple days of school as I was part of a soccer team that was traveling to Holland. As I have said before on this stage in talking about this story, coach Blechner replied,
“Well you’ll have to make a choice because if you go on that trip you can’t be captain. You can’t do both.”
Of course he really could have allowed me to do both. But I know now that if he did that he would not have been taking his job seriously as a coach and a leader. He needed someone to be an example of commitment to the team, someone who could do the work leading as a member of that team. I realize after being a coach and a teacher that if he had allowed me to do both he risked sending a message to others who did not miss a practice or were not lucky enough to be selected to go on that trip that commitment didn't matter. I believe it would have sent the message that leadership is a title to be given not a position earned and an attitude rewarded. I do not believe you can lead if you do not participate, you cannot lead if you’re not willing to do the uncomfortable things and you cannot lead if your trying to have it both ways.
In my career as a teacher, coach and administrator I have tried really hard to lead by example. I’ve often been criticized for not being visible or being too quiet. One of my biggest challenges over these 25 years as a professional has been to develop an understanding of how to be what people need me to be in order for them to be successful in their jobs as teachers, students and players.
I am confident that this will always be a challenge for me, perhaps due to my introversion, perhaps due to my personality, and I know that one thing I won’t do is take a title of leadership without being willing to model the responsibility of being a member of a community. It is not glamorous or fulfilling to take cell phones and this morning I’m not interested in anyone's sympathy. I know that doing what you are asked and following the rules is easier for some than others. This morning I am interested in compelling each and every one of you to first lead yourself doing what is asked and following the rules in place for our community and in turn to lead your peers. For I know that if you ask something of someone else that you are doing yourself, it makes leadership a shared pursuit and allows leaders to emerge where you might not expect it.